Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize