Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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