I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
