I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
