i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
