cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
