sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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