I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
