I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
