he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
