i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
