Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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