You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
