yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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