i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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