Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
