my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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