Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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