woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
