dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
