Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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