You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
