Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
