He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
