Screwed.edu
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
