I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
