You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
