I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
