Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
