My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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