Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
