I need help removing her.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
