i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
