I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ketchup is God's man juice
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
