Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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