what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
