Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
