I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
