he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
