hell yes lets make some ravioli
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
