I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
