that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
