I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
