If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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