Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
