so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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