Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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