my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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