Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
