I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
