Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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